I figured I would re-share this YouTube video of my reading from 2013. I read this in the Haybarn Theatre at Goddard college as part of my graduating student reading. The story is called “One for the Money, Two for the Show” and is a humorous PG-13 tale with characters based loosely on my parents. The story follows Charlie & Ginny’s (yes, they share my parents’ names) quest to find an Elvis impersonator for their Pediatric Brain Tumor Foundation BBQ event in Lake George, New York.
Readings were limited to ~15 minutes so I decided to take little vignette excerpts from throughout to give the audience a full idea of the narrative. You can get a good sense of the whole story based on these excerpts, and I thought that was more beneficial than just taking the first few pages. Notes: 1) The first 30 seconds, including my dedication to my parents, is cut off and 2) there is some mature language and themes. Enjoy!
So I’m not sure how this site has eluded me for so long, but I recently discovered InkShares.com. They are like Kickstarter.com or IndieGoGo.com, but once your book is crowdfunded enough they handle the editing, publishing, marketing, and distribution whereas KS & IG raise the money then you have to go find all that yourself. It’s a pretty cool idea… but is it actually viable?
InkShares pays a 50% royalty to their authors which sounds fantastic considering most book royalty deals are under 12%, but that 50% royalty doesn’t come into play UNTIL after the 250 pre-order mark or 750 pre-order mark. Why are there two milestone marks? Well, at 250 you can opt in to the Quill imprint which means they will technically print your book and put it on Amazon, but they aren’t going to put much marketing weight behind it or make too many copies. At the 750 mark they give you the full editing, marketing, cover design, promotion, distribution, etc etc (this would be worth it imo, but I’m not going to discuss this). The Quill imprint, which is where most authors will end up, would basically be like self-publishing. Let’s say you everybody in your family pre-orders your book so then your up to 50 pre-orders (generously). Now, half of your Facebook “friends” pre-order it getting you up to the 250. Yay, your book is going to get published… but is that a good thing?
Please, please stop this “Bernie or Bust” nonsense. I generally like to stay away from politics, and will probably never (or rarely) post anything political again, but I can’t stand this movement. Sure, Bernie could be great and he’s the candidate most aligned with my own political beliefs that I’ve seen in my twenty-seven years, but it is so childish to stomp your feet and not vote for Hilary when she becomes the Democratic nominee. How could you possibly say you support Bernie then not vote and let the polar opposite candidate move into the oval office with little resistance? That is foolish, selfish, and just plain ignorant. We get it, you don’t like Hilary, but please don’t actively help Donald Drumpf by not voting.
So, I know I just started my website… but it has moved already. This is my new, official JoePortes.com website. I originally signed up for a WordPress.com site because it was free, and I thought it would be too costly to get JoePortes.com. What I discovered was that it would only be $11.99 for the year for the domain name and about $4.50 a month to have the site hosted by HostGator; however, I found coupon codes and promos for both and got MyName.com for $1/yr and 1 month of hosting at HostGator for .01! I figured I would test it out first, then if I don’t like their service or think it’s not worth the $4.50 I could switch to 000webhost who host sites for free.
So I recently discovered my new favorite literary magazine Barrelhouse. I don’t know how it took me so long to discover these guys, but their sensibility perfectly lines up with my own: they love good writing, but hate the pretentiousness of capital-L literature and writers/publications that take themselves too seriously.
They started something called the “Stupid Idea Junk Drawer” in which they post funny ideas that never manifested into longer works – and now they are seeking submissions that respond to some of their editors’ stupid ideas. The one that caught my eye, and still has me laughing every time I watch it, is a video called “Guys Being Dudes” (I know it’s an old vine, but it’s new to me). I plan to submit a respond to this video and I hope they like it, but either way, I want to share the video on my shiny new website because it is too damn funny (to me, at least).
Why a website? To promote myself. Gross, I know, but it is something I’m going to have to eventually do should I receive a modicum of success. So, I crawled out of my digital cave and updated my Facebook, created a Twitter account, and started this site. The reason for this? I have been accepted for publication by the Indianola Review. I can’t believe I’ve been sitting on over 150pgs of fiction and another 50 or so pages of humor/essays since I graduated from Goddard in 2013 because I thought I wasn’t “good enough” and insisted my writing “wasn’t ready” when, in reality, it may have been.